Chance to clutch

I went to two fabulous weddings, fabulous in their own way. One was of a colleague at ASYV and another was a cousin of a colleague at ASYV. I did not go to the traditional Rwandan dowry ceremony, so I will focus on the wedding bit - the part that is overwhelmingly influenced by Christian weddings in the West, but with nice Rwandan twists.

But first, off to the salon.

Before the wedding I was in a salon - or "saloon" as everyone writes in Rwanda - looking at all the pretty ladies and gents get all dolled and Kenned up. And it dawned on me: every stylist in the world, when not attending to celebrities or women over forty, does the Prom Look for at least half their clients attending some event. A friend in Jerusalem warned me about this before my brother and sister's weddings. Don't-get-the-prom-look. The prom look is the ten bucks hair style where you straiten out the hair one lock at a time, then curl it with a curling iron, then put all the hair up, and then spray half a bottle of super-hold hair spray. And it has reached Rwanda. One aerosol can at a time.

I think my favorite part about Rwandan weddings is that everything is a ceremony. When it comes to cutting the cake, the MC says, out loud, that the cake will now be cut, that the groom will now give a bite of the cake to the bride, that the bride will now give a bite of the cake to the groom, that the bride and groom, or someone, will now cut the cake and distribute it to guests.

The MC is very important.

One of the kids stories I read at ASYV had a scene where the groom wanted to thank the formerly evil step parents for everything they did for him, after they stopped being evil. He asks the MC, "May I now give a speech?" and the MC gives him specific permission. So he gives a speech. And reading the story, I'm thinking, "Really? On your own wedding day you need to ask the MC first?"

The dancing industry is quite strong in Rwanda. Many people who can afford it hire dance troops to perform at their weddings, including traditional Rwandan dances, and, in the wedding I attended, Burundian and South African dancers. There is no dance floor for the guests, so everyone just gets to watch dancers that know how to dance. No awkward, "C'mon, come dance, c'maaaaaan!" in Rwandan weddings. Just rows and rows of guests sitting, looking at the bride and groom who sit above everyone, importantly, and watch the dancers and speakers along with everyone else.

At one point in the speech of the preacher of one of the weddings, I was told that Europeans don't quite understand marriage, with their high divorce rates. Women, the preacher said, will divorce their husbands and still be supported by them, so women will get married many times to get supported by many men. This was a bit depressing to hear in a country where many women receive no support by the father of their children, but my offense turned into amusement when he noted that, in European families, the dog is more important then the child. But then I was offended again when he said that the child was more important than the woman, who was more important than the husband, and so, in Europe, all is backward because the husband, really, should lead. Ah - and I was not sure if I should be offended or incredulous or amused or guardedly apathetic when he said that men want honor but women want financial support. "Some women want honor, because some women are like men. But they are a small minority compared to the men who want honor."

Finally, a nod to Israel: the bride and groom were advised to take time off after they married. The bible instructs one to not go to war after getting married. In Israel, it is not possible to take a vacation after getting married, because there is always a war and so everyone must always fight, all the time. But that is not the case in Rwanda.

Huh.

And then, the last statement I feel sums up where Rwanda is right now: "Even when the woman has a higher salary than the man, she wants the man to financially support her." In a country with a strong push towards women's empowerment, many women do, indeed, have a higher salary than their husbands. I am happy that I am in a country where the qualification "even if the woman has a higher salary" is put before statements I wish were not said.

The bride's were stunning and the grooms hansom in both weddings. No prom hair. Beautiful.

As were the flickering Christmas lights coiled around the table where the bride and groom sat. I like them. I dunno. They're sparkly and flashy and, in a culture with lots of long speeches, a great diversion for everyone who doesn't really know the bride and groom. Maybe all wedding everywhere have seemingly long speeches if you don't know the bride and groom, and in Rwanda, you are more likely to be invited to a wedding of someone you don't really know.

I also got to use my gold clutch twice.

Ah, and my white stilettos because the owner of the shop where I left the white stilettos returned them to me.

As the father of the groom was given a very serious, moving speech, the pool party outside, in the same hotel, was playing songs my Ms. Jojo, Tom Close (if you miss N'SYNC) and, of course, Celine Dion, because Celine Dion has reached every single country in the entire world and every single country loves Celine Dion. And Beyonce.

Another nice diversion.

That's not nice.

But I couldn't really understand the speech.

All in all, as I clutched my clutch, I enjoyed both weddings immensely.